The Old Me

What can I say about life now? It is not always the way you want it to be right? Like in my blog tag. But I am grateful with the life, family and friends that god bestowed to be around me. They serve as a pillar of strength for me and hold me up when I feel down. And now, I am back with the old me!! The ME that my friends like not the ME that I have been lately. I am recovering well from the emotion. I really treasure the lesson that I learned within one month of my relationship and I hold no hard feelings to anyone even to her. When God says so, so it will happen! I thank her for the lessons and for being with me even for a short while. I hope that I did bring even a small sparkle of joy to her and only God knows how sincere I am when I am with her. Whatever the thing is now, I take it as something that I can learn from may may God gives me strength to shove in the journey of my life.

Heals my Heart

I do not feel entirely good today after I called Mom this evening. It always happen that everyime I called her and I am in a happy mood but she is not. That will switch my mood immediately. I called her this evening just to know that she is not feeling very well. My heart is not at ease now. I am just pretending to be me like normal day but deep inside my little soul is crying to be comforted. I just hope that God will grant her speedy recovery. Was it a punishment for me for the things that I have done wrong? I know that I sinned a lot but forgive me for I am trying to be a better person day by day. I am just a normal human being subject to humanly mistakes due to lack of spiritual supplications.



May Allah heals her health
May Allah heals my heart...

Don't act as if you know the world

Sometimes we assume that we know everything in this world making everyone around is wrong. How presumptuos can we be. I hate people who act as if they know the world. They think that they are right all the time irrespective of other people's feelings. I do understand that we human being tends to get emotional at times and will use anyone around us as subjects to lash out words. However, I cannot tolerate people who assume they have enough knowledge to rejects other people's point of view.



We are ever forgetful and sometimes we even forget that we forget. It is helpful to think hard before we say something to not to hurt someone. We do accidental silly mistakes making us susceptible to hurting someone's feelings. We often do not realise how much we have hurt our friends or lover and I say this to myself. I learn to accept poeple (slowly!) the way they are and I begin to see things from different perspectives. It helps sometimes just to make do with what we have around us and savour the essence of it. I believe that God created something for a reason as I mentioned many times in my previous posts. Whatever it is I hope I can accept people they way they are even though they act as though they know everything in this whole bloody wide world!

10 Things I Hate About You

I hate the way you look at me and the way you cut your hair

I hate the way you message me

I hate it when you stare



I hate your cute little sparkling lips and the way you read my mind

I hate you so much that makes me sick that even makes me rhyme

I hate the way you always right

I hate it when you are shy



I hate it when you make me laugh even worse when you make me cry

I hate it when you are not around and the fact you didn't answer my call



But mostly...

I hate the way I don't hate you

Not even close

Not even a little bit

Not even at all

**How can I hate her when my love transcends my hatred.

Laa her more each day

Yesterday she got angry with me for being mean to her. I felt really bad about that.

When I First Saw Her I Was Afraid To Talk To Her,
When I First Talked To Her I Was Afraid To Like Her,
When I First Liked Her I Was Afraid To Love Her,
Now That I Love Her I'm Afraid To Lose Her.



I cannot show her how much I love her. Only time can tell her how much I love her. I do believe that God put me here for her to love. He picked me out among the rest because He knew I'd love her the best.



I am sorry about yesterday sayang.

Let her be with me

Today I think I have found the one to be;

the love of my life,
the light of my heart,
the apple of my eyes.



I adore her so much.
I love her with all my heart.



She is something that I treasure,
In times of sorrow and pleasure.
I pray she will be mine forever.

I See, I Wish I Can

In the past Ramadhan, I saw people cried profusely whom I never thought would cry in front of God before. I am wrong again. I felt ashamed for I could not feel the same.



Once again I have witnessed the power of God. All you need to do is ask with a pure heart. He is the All-Mighty.

Green Green Grass of Home

Suddenly I feel like writing about my home town. I was surfing this website about Taiping and were taken aback for a while by the responses on old Taipingites there talking about their fond memories of the town. I came from a humble and conservative Malay family and was brought up all my life in Taiping. Since I was born, I never really did leave Taiping until I came here to Australia. Was actually offered for a boarding school when I was 12 but Mom and Dad kinda loathful me going there. So I rejected the offer. Now I know that I did not regret upon my decision back then. Boarding school clamps your mind and blocks your horizon. You only mix with the same race (Malay to be precise) and have no chance of widening your social circle. When I think back about it, I am grateful to all my friends in high school that has somehow shaped me personally into what I am today which I think I would not be who I am today if I was a boarding school product. And so I live my life in Taiping again for another 7 years.




My old school mate Raymond (I used to call him papa elephant at school) is a hardcore advertiser of Taiping. He will talk about Taiping wherever he goes and I can say that he is a truly Taipingite. I love the serenity of the Lake Garden and I savour all the profound memories of my schoolling life. I went to St.George for my primary and high school and indeed still a proud Georgian. St. George plays a memorable role in my life and the friends that I made there are indeed friends that you can rely upon. All of them now are scattered all over the world pursuing their own course of life. I cycled to school back then.



I hardly went out of Taiping when I was there but a visit to KL became frequent during my foundation year and that was when I was 18. Perth (a beautifully boring place) resembles a bit like Taiping with not so much of a traffic and the ever beautifiul Swan River remind me of the Lake Garden. Historically, Taiping was high in the list. First Railway Station, an old mining town, first zoo etc. Not so much like JB or Penang but Taiping is a place that you can unwind and let you mind wonder wildly.



My life in Taiping is very much a simple one. My first house was in Jalan Pauh, Assam Kumbang and then we moved to Kamunting. I only spent a month in Kamunting before I left for Australia. Most of my childhood was in Assam Kumbang. Love the neighbours there and my badminton colegues (one of them has passed away, may God bless him). The people there were less complicated than the people here. I never knew my neighbours here. Probably modernization is making us more selfish.

I dunno but I feel that Taiping is the place that where I want to retire and have a wonderful life with wife, sons, grandsons etc. I'd love to see Taiping as it is today and not be devoured by modern society with complex traits of mind that changes the intactness and the beauty of the town.

Repost : My Son Doesn't Understand the World

I came across this post in islamonline.net and feel like blogging it here.

As-salamu `alaykum.

Dear counselors, I have a problem. My son came to me 2 weeks ago and cried and said, "Mum, I don't understand the world. How should I handle the world?" I looked at him and then thought he is only 20 years, he has money, a car, he studies medicine in one of the best universities, has a beautiful and religious wife, has kind parents, is good looking, has many friends, has good health, so what is his problem??? So I asked him what problems does he have, why can't he understand the world. He answered with tears in his eyes, "It is all very complicated, I don't understand the world—evil wins, people who hate me congratulate me on my birthday, which I don't expect, and beloved ones don't congratulate me. Everything is running differently: The good lose and evil wins, etc." So how can I help him? Thank you.




In the name of Allah the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. May He bestow His peace and blessings on His Messenger Muhammad, his family, his Companions, and all of those who follow them sincerely.

As-salamu `alaykum,

Dear sister, yes, we do live in a world that often seems upside down. Your son is very perceptive, in fact. Given that Allah has blessed him with so much, it is a refreshing sign to see someone who is so concerned with the state of the world. What your son is echoing, in my opinion, is what many people, particularly young people, are feeling today. In many ways it is a very dark time we are living in with so much ignorance, hatred, inequality, oppression, violence, and other things occurring in the world. This is what your son is picking up on and it is, indeed, very difficult to understand. Nevertheless, as Muslims we must always seek understanding in our lives, for that is how we learn about Allah and His way of operating in the world.

First off, your son must understand that good never loses and evil never wins. Of course in this temporary world that may appear to be the case, but in Reality, in the world of Truth, only Allah exists and Allah is good. Evil, according to many erudite scholars and saints of Islam, only exists—is created by Allah—for the purpose of pointing mankind to good, to the all-pervading mercy of Allah. Remember the hadith qudsi: "My mercy overcomes My wrath." According to those such as Jalaludin Rumi, evil only exists to point us human beings back to, and be grateful for the all-pervading mercy of Allah. The following is from my last article on this Web site. It might help to put this in perspective:

Everything is from Him. This was one of the first lessons I learned in Islam prior to my conversion six years ago. It is the peak of tawheed; simple, yet so important and powerful. Everything is from Allah. When we attempt to understand our lives in this way, through the eyes of tawheed, with Allah as the ultimate cause of everything ("Such is Allah, your Lord, the Creator of all things" [Ghafir 40:62]), quite naturally we will seek understanding in our lives. We know Allah creates everything, we know Allah is the primary cause behind everything, and we know that Allah is the Most Merciful and the source of ultimate good. Thus, with everything that occurs in our lives, might we ask “what are we to learn, Lord, and how should we respond to that which You have willed?” From this vantage point, we will naturally yearn to know what Allah wants us to do, which in fact we already have the answer for: to know Him.

If Allah wants us to know Him, does it not make sense that the manifestation of severity and rigor is Allah’s way of calling us back to Him and His all-pervading mercy and goodness? Could it be that the “whip” of severity is the Creator’s way of reminding us of our ultimate purpose here? The Qur’an teaches us that there are three ways to know Allah: through revelation (the Qur’an), through creation, and through the self. …

One of the important roles that hardship plays in life is to facilitate introspection, to help us look toward the inside and better understand our innermost selves and hearts. When we experience tragedy or calamity, often the first thing we do is go inside ourselves, seeking understanding and solace. It is an important soulful activity that must be done in order to fully realize our humanness. …

Part of the self-surrendering to Allah (al-Islam), therefore, must be to accept all of the Names of Allah, and to embrace all of the ways that He chooses to manifest Himself in our lives, including those perceived as severe or harsh. Not being appreciative of the mercy of Allah in our lives and merciful in our interactions with others will inevitably result in the experience of Allah’s wrath. For to be neglectful in our role as the community of the Mercy to All the Worlds (Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him) is deserving of a divine wake-up call.

The craziness in the world that your son has picked up on is the result of all these human decisions to live lives in opposition to the Divine Reality and Allah's guidance for mankind. Islam means "peace" in that it is the way of life of unity—as a manifestation of tawheed, or the oneness of Allah. That is why the people of tawheed (i.e., the Muslims) should be the people showing the world how to live in unity and peace. Nevertheless, in too many cases, we are not. We are not exemplifying our way of life to bring peace. Allah says very simply in the Qur'an that He created us different for one reason: so that we can know one another.

"O mankind! We created you from a single (pair) of a male and a female, and made you into nations and tribes, that ye may know each other (not that ye may despise (each other). Verily the most honored of you in the sight of Allah is (he who is) the most righteous of you. And Allah has full knowledge and is well acquainted (with all things)." (Al-Hujurat 49:13)

Yet, we are not. Humanity as a whole is not. Therefore, we are shunning Allah's mercy by turning away from His guidance and we are essentially getting what we have asked for, which is Allah's wrath. What we can do from what we see happening around us is to get involved—even if it's in a simple way like helping a loved one or a neighbor. Allah records all of our good deeds, no matter how seemingly mundane they are.



"And the Book (of Deeds) will be placed (before you); and thou wilt see the sinful in great terror because of what is (recorded) therein; they will say, 'Ah! woe to us! what a Book is this! It leaves out nothing small or great, but takes account thereof!' They will find all that they did, placed before them: And not one will thy Lord treat with injustice." (Al-Kahf 18:49)

The best way to respond to the craziness and negativity that we see around us is to transform it—by doing something good! Bring mercy, peace, love, and understanding to someone—anyone, for that matter.

"The good deed and the evil deed are not alike. Repel the evil deed with one which is better, then lo! he, between whom and thee there was enmity (will become) as though he was a bosom friend." (Fussilat 41:34)

If we all were to focus on these small things, in time, in sha' Allah, we would see things begin to transform for the better. We are all capable of doing good and bringing goodness into the world. We just have to do it. It doesn't have to be earth-shattering change either. Remember what the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) told us about the importance of small deeds:

`A'ishah (may Allah be pleased with her) reported: The Messenger of Allah (may peace be upon him) did not observe fast in any month of the year more than in the month of Sha`ban, and used to say, "Do as many deeds as you are capable of doing, for Allah will not become weary (of giving you reward), but you would be tired (of doing good deeds)." And he also said, "The deed liked most by Allah is one to which the doer adheres constantly even if it is small." (Muslim 6, #2582)

Narrated Abu Hurairah: The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, "A man never did a good deed but removed a thorny branch from the road; it was either in the tree and someone cut it and threw it on the road, or it was lying in it, he removed it. Allah accepted this good deed of his and brought him intoParadise." (Abu Dawud 41, #5225)

I hope this helps your son in some small way.

Source: www.islamonline.net

Have I Told You Lately

I am 'engaging' in a Rod Stewart's song Have I told You Lately the moment I wrote this. Actually I do not have a specific topic for this post. It is just this uncanny feeling somewhere from up above that prompted me to write something tonight. Tomorrow is the first day of fasting ad I just got back from Tarawih. I hope this Ramadhan will bring something different in me and wish it can be more fruitful to me than my last Ramadhan. I think I can appreciate the blessed month better here in Perth than when I was in Malaysia. I don't why. I always think that we take thing for granted too much regarding Islamic practise in an Islamic country (so-called!!)than when we are abroad. We do things beacuse other people do it and we do it to not feel isolated from others. That was my observation in Malaysia. Living in an Islamic environment somehow has engaged our mind to just follow the norm of the place. I do not know if it is good or bad but I'd rather do things by knowing why I am doing it. Not just because others do it. That was my hypothesis and yet to be proven. Any sociologists? That feelings strengthen my determination to stay here coz I feel I am more sincere in what I do here.



Well that was a bit on my thought of this blessed month. It has been lingering in my mind for some time and now only I feel to pen it down. I have finished all my presentations and thank god it all went well. Now I am concentrating on my thesis write-up and kind of sick of looking at the same thing over and over again. I suffered from this very bad prolonged cough for quite sometimes already. I dunno if it is an early indication for something serious. Hope not.



Still waiting for someone to knock on my empty heart right now. Loneliness is no longer something that I mourn about. Kinda got use to it but I cannot pretend for long for my heart knows what it needed. The time will come when the time will come hey! And know you know it when you know it! BUT you will never know it should you never try. I will let my heart decide with the guidance from up above. Time will tell everything.

Have I told you lately that I love you
Have I told you there’s no one else above you
Fill my heart with gladness
Take away all my sadness
Ease my troubles that’s what you do

For the morning sun in all it’s glory
Greets the day with hope and comfort too
You fill my life with laughter
And somehow you make it better
Ease my troubles that’s what you do
There’s a love that’s divine
And it’s yours and it’s mine like the sun
And at the end of the day
We should give thanks and pray
To the one, to the one

Have I told you lately that I love you
Have I told you there’s no one else above you
Fill my heart with gladness
Take away all my sadness
Ease my troubles that’s what you do

There’s a love that’s divine
And it’s yours and it’s mine like the sun
And at the end of the day
We should give thanks and pray
To the one, to the one

And have I told you lately that I love you
Have I told you there’s no one else above you
You fill my heart with gladness
Take away my sadness
Ease my troubles that’s what you do
Take away all my sadness
Fill my life with gladness
Ease my troubles that’s what you do
Take away all my sadness
Fill my life with gladness
Ease my troubles that’s what you do

**The first picture above was taken by Harris during his honey moon in Maldives.

I Tell You What

In my previous post mentioned that I have to present in the CEED Semiar yesterday. Worth that I write something about it. Unfortunately I was the first speaker to break the ice on that day. The presentation went quite well I think except that I kinda lost of words sometimes during the talk. Stumble here and there a bit. I talked in frot of lecturers and industry people. I really do not feel like talking in front of year 11 students (like Laurence said). After the talk, the questiones raised by the people indicated that there are some of them who has deep knowledge in the area. Jorg Imberger was the first to ask me questions. He was the professor in Fluid Mechanics and Head of Department in CWR. He asked me 3 questions which I think that I answered reasonably well. It was just the way he asked the questions. He walked out of the room after the second speaker present. There were also several other questions and suggestions. It was all industrial related questions and none concern with academics. I can understand that and I learned a lot from that.



We had a real formal dinner at the newly-built Uni Club after the whole 12 presenters finished with their research talk. Uni Club is a grand place to have a function. I was quite fortunate to have the same table with Prof. Alan Robson the Vice Chancellor of UWA. Very friendly and approachable character. This is one thing that I like about western culture, there are less sense of formality. Alan was the number one person in charge of the whole university and he still got the same treatment as the others. Well I guess in Malaysia there will be people ushering him and the seat will be reserved for him. When Alan came all the seat were occupied and Laurence had to take extra seat for him and he was really cool about that. Kamy Cheng was in the same table with us. I really feel a pleasure to have him there what more after knowing him wonderful character. He promised to sort out John's problem regarding his storage in Shenton Park that needs $5000 and Kamy said that you can be sure about that. Malaysian culture is lavished with formalities. I do not know if it is good or not but generally speaking in prefer it here. They said the food there was marvellous but since I suffered from sore throat I did not eat much. The red wine was one of the finest ever made.



I guess that they are still a lot of things that I need to learn here. That makes me want to stay here longer. I also had a meeting with Aziz when I was in Sydney and he persisted me to return back. I have not decided yet.

**Making another presentation tomorrow. Tired.

Sydney 2005

I just touched down Perth at 10am just now from Sydney for MASCA Conference, took a quick nap and then rushed to uni for a CEED Seminar. It's 10.45 pm now and I just got back from the seminar. What a busy day.

I was in Melbourne last year for NCG as well and went again this year. Things are much better in terms of the organisation of the whole events. The AGM was as usual the platform for them to fight over things that they did not agree with. As the representative for WA delegates, I took a neutral stand for everything. There is really no point of agreeing or not agreeing when you know that that will not solve the matter. Moreover they fight over stupid trivial matter. But I'd say that in terms of the whole event, it was a success to be able to get together all the states from all over Australia. Do not talk about integration first, being able to get together is already a great achievement. I applaud them for that. For me personally the idea of going there is just to establish contacts for MASCA WA and build a strong interstates connection for WA. Well, at least that was what I hope. I will leave it to the next committee to extend my efforts and I think I have worked a lot to get MASCA WA to this stage. People might not see it but here in my page(where I have been most sincere with) I think I have done something for MASCA WA. It does not really matter if they do not recognise my effort. It was just a sincere help anyway. I do hope that whoever that will take over the club next year will make something different for it. I made some new friends there.



I did spent sometimes to unwind in Sydney. Another quick holiday there. Spent most of my time with Ian to bring him around Sydney as it was his first time. Opera House always appeals me no matter how many times I have visited it. It has been a common habit of mine lately to visit any Hard Rock Cafe when there is one and bought a t-shirt there.My new hobby! Ian is a nice guy and has the same thinking as mine I suppose. It is not that common that I found someone who shares the same opinion. People say that I am a little weirder than other people. Well I do mix around but I still hold my opinion on certain things without having them to tell me what to say. They kept pestering me to disagree with the motion brought up during the AGM but I still stood my ground. They thought that I was afraid of saying no.



The last day of the conference a few of us went for karaoke for 1.5 hours. The karaoke in Sydney is ridiculously cheap compared to here due to the competition there I suppose. It was a real fun that I did not have enough for the night. Want more of it. I will make sure that everytime I pay a visit to Sydney, karaoke is a must! Was also quite surprise to see the Malay guys in Sydney took a beer in the name to socialise. I kinda did not expect some of them to do that. May be not to trust anyone is a lesson that I can say I learned. I told MSD director about this and he was just smiling and told me he knows about this. Any action, sir?

** I saw the same guy when I was in Melbourne that I mention in my post in Sydney near paddy's this time. Still persisting on his mission.

You talk, I laugh

I was having my CEED presentation rehearsal yesterday for the CEED Seminar Dinner. As soon as I finished, those people gave a blurry faces to me. Someone said that she has no idea what I am talking about and someone else said that he was totally confused. Well, those are the non-technical non-engineering people from Biology and Archaeology school. Laurence came down from up the lecture theatre and told me to reduce the amount of technicalities in my presentation and focus on why does it matter to conduct such research. I did learn something yesterday on some skills to communicate with your audience. Know your audience and treat them as if they are year 11 students which I think is kinda make sense. The whole idea or presentation is to communicate and convey the message to the people who has a diferent background and making them understand your talk. My talk yesterday was so academic that it could go for an Offshore Technology Conference. Well, I learn on how to get across your technical ideas in a non-technical way but still manage to convey what you are trying to communicate.



I was watching Russel Peters lately and was laughing my heart out. He made a good stand up comedian. A real good one. One thing I like about stand up comedian is how they say it. The thing we say would not be as funny as when they say it. They have this great ability of communication. Sometiems it is just some simple stuff like,"Hey, whatever makes you happy man" which sounds mundane to me but how he put it into context and use the right intonation just making you laugh from ear to ear.



**Off for Sydney 2005 at 4.30pm today.

My random mind

Whenever something happen, sure is that God has his own plan. The irony is that we do not even bother to figure out why something take place. We take a pleasant thing as our very pleasure and a sombre moment as our plight. We do not fathom the meaning behind it. I remember this one post in friendster, 'The greatest pleasure is no pleasure when it is not the pleasure of paradise. The greatest pain is no pain unless it is the pain of the fire of hell'.



I have a weird, interesting and interestingly weird circle of friends around me. I am very selective I guess in mingling around with people that I am not familiar with. Friends to me are like feathers, they tickle you and sometimes they irrittate you. There are friends that you know that they will be with you no matter what the conditions you are in and there are friends who you know that after you are gone, they are gone as well with the wind. I do not know if I know my freinds good enough to know whether thwy will be there for me for sometimes. Time changes everything and in evitably you have to accept what has been destined upon you. Let there be hope still though.

My life now is just as usual although they are a lot of things that I need to settle. Thesis is due in about 5 weeks time and Krish has disappeared into the abyss. Lucky that Liang Cheng was there for me to give me great help. I am seriously thinking now to stay here but not sure if Mom agrees with that or not. Hopefully she is. After all it is my decision.

I find times and again that the things I wrote lately are of random thoughts. Just thoughts that just come across my mind and I feel like jotting it down somewhere.

**Presenting my thesis to Adam in 3 hours time and fyling off to Sydney this Saturday for MASCA Conference.

Let's talk about me

It has been quite sometimes after I last updated my blog. Gosh... this sentence seems to always be the opening for my entry. Been 'quite' busy or 'pretended' busy(but frankly very busy!) recently with my academic stuff. In my final year now and loaking towards graduation soon. Hmm... not really looking forward though. I kinda love uni life. Relax and no pressure except from assignments and exams that I can handle pretty well.

Right now busy working on my thesis about CFD simulation of piggyback pipeline. A lot of hiccups along the way but somehow I manage to cope with them. Still hoping that my results will turn out well. Been spending my day in the lab everyday. I have shit loads of stuff to do for the next one month; seminars, project, thesis write-up, MASCA NCG in Sydney etc.



Life kinda the same for me without any new things happening. It is just flat and mundane. I have been reading other people's blog (random people that I do not know) lately and really enjoy what they have got to say. They know how to enjoy life in their own ways. Quiet surprise also that some random people did actually made a link to my blog. I do not know why they want to do that. My blog is way more boring and nothing that you can read that make you laugh or cry or whatever the feeling is. Just plain. It is just for my own pleasure. Besides, no one fills my tag board yet and I do not expect anyone to do that too.

Talking about future plan, I did plan to stay and work here. Not so much for thr money but more for the life that I live here. It is serene and beautifully boring here. Probably Perth is the best city if you want to settle down after retirement. Trying to negotiate the job offer with JP Kenny and hopefully I will get it. Working hard with the project to impress them. Planning for PR and sincerely hope that Australian government will grant it. I am going to pay back my loan and not just going to walk away like that. I know my obligations. Well, that is just what I had in mind at the moment. With God's will, I hope it will materialise.

Poems

Here are among some of the poems that I like. Been there in My Document for too long. Might as well.

Ku lari ke hutan
Kemudian teriakku
Ku lari ke pantai
Kemudian menyanyiku,
Sepi…sepi dan sendiri aku benci
Aku mau bingar…aku mau di pasar
Bosan aku dengan penat
Dan enyah saja kau pekat
Seperti berjelaga jika ku sendiri



Pecahkan saja gelasnya biar ramai
Biar mengaduh sampai gaduh
Aih…ada malaikat menyulam
Jarring laba-laba belang di tembok
Keraton putih
Kenapa tak goyangkan saja locengnya
Biar terdera
Atau aku harus lari ke pantai
Belok ke hutan

-Ada Apa Dengan Cinta



Kalau aku menjadi seekor burung.,
Akan kuhebahkan warga alam sekalian,
Bahawa Allah itu benar,
Yakinlah.

Kalau aku menjadi dedaun kering,
Akan kurebah sembahkan diriku ke bumi,
Takut akan seksa Ilahi,
Kerana aku percaya bahawa Hari Akhirat itu benar,
Bertaqwalah.

Kiranya aku menjadi cecacing tanah jengkingan lembah,
Akan kubisikkan kepada warga alam di bawah sana,
Bahawa seksa kubur itu benar,
Gentarlah.

Andainya aku menjadi sungai yang mengalir lesu,
Akan kualirkan nafasku dari banjaran ke banjaran,
Dari lembah ke lurah,
Dari hulu ke hilir,
Dari tanjung ke semenanjung,
Memberitahu para enau dan banir,
Yang syurga itu benar,
Pohonlah.

Jika aku ditakdirkan menjadi
api yang membakar keringan ranting,
Akan kuseru diriku bahawa apalah sangat aku ini,
Nun jahanam itu lebih hebat,
Sesungguhnya aku yakin,
Dan benar benar yakin bahawa neraka itu benar,
Aku insaf.

Namun,
Aku bukan burung,
Aku bukan daunan kering,
Aku bukan api,
Aku bukan sungai yang lesu mengalir,
Aku juga bukan cecacing tanah.
Aku kira aku lebih hina dan daif dari itu,
Aku hanya manusia yang penuh beban dosa timbunan noda,

Aku turut gentar,
Aku penuh yakin,
Aku juga bertaqwa,
Aku selalu insaf dan
Aku sentiasa memohon kepada Ilahi agar
kolek hidupku ini didayungkan ke destinasi yang akhirnya pasti.

-Hisham


Aku cari bukan harta bertimbun timbun
Untuk Hidup kaya
Aku cari bukan wang berjuta-juta
Untuk hidup bergaya
Aku cari bukan kawan-kawan
Untuk hidup sekadar berfoya-foya
Aku cari
Mana dia Al-Ghazali
Aku cari mana dia Al-Shafie
Kita bongkar rahsia sunnah nabi
Cari panduan
Aku hidup kerana Dia Rabbi
Dialah teman
Dialah wali
Dia mencukupi
Aku hidup bererti
Menikmati damai abadi

- Datuk Seri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi

Tempting Heart

Suddenly I feel the urge to write about the movie that I really adore. I did not know for many times I have watched Tempting Heart; starring Gigi Leung and Takeshi Kaneshiro. I watched it again yesterday. It really moves me everytime I watch it. I don't know whether it is the actors, the story line or the song that has stolen a glimpse of my heart to watch it over and over again.




Well it is a typical love story but the way Sylvia Chang directed has a certain magic that makes me really feel the presence of the characters. The background was based in 1970s where a high school girl and a college guy caught in a triangle of love but was disapproved by the gal's mother. They parted but met again in later years in adulthood. I do not want to act as a movie reviewer here. I am just writing how this movie moves my heart.



I watch this movie whenever I needed something to soothe me and whenever I am lonely. This movie defined love and how it should be (according to the director at least!)I always has this inclination towards Hong Kong movies rather than Hollywood movies.



"If it wasn't for writing this script,
I may never look at things from another perspective,
We're all the same,
Busy looking after ourselves,
Busy making a living,
We hardly look at things through other people's eyes,
So our world gets smaller and smaller,
Things slip away unnoticed,
And our fate changes its course without our knowing it,
Who among us can say we've lived a life without regrets."

-Sylvia Chang

Feels Like Home

I just touched down in Perth yesterday at around 2.30pm after a week or so of quick holiday in Sydney, Canberra and Melbourne. Feels so nice to be back home. The change in traffic from Sydney and Melbourne to Perth soothes my mind. Was in Sydney for 3 days, a day in Canberra and a day in Melbourne. I was a dead meat when I reached Perth yesterday. I do not remember if I ate anything yesterday except for an apple muffin for lunch and fried beehun ad Raja's place for breakfast. Too tired to think about the grumble of my stomach. I slept for 10 hours from 5pm until I missed Maghrib. God forgive me. It was a really an enjoyable trip and I have lots of fun and perhaps the most tiring trip I ever had. 2600km of driving, 3 states, loads of laughter and a bunch of people who really know how to enjoy themselves. What more do you want?



I guess the trip was a real fun with friends around you that crack jokes and make you laugh your heart out. It is always about the people you meet. I was really moved by their hospitality when I was there. Hendra was willing to sleep outside and gave us his bed and Raja woke up early in the morning when I was still asleep to prepare breakfast for me. I wonder if I can ever be like them. Meeting back my old friends in Melbourne was a great pleasure and I do really cherish it. I always enjoy having trip with my Malay friends because they stop for prayer when it was time. I have had a trip with my uni friends where it is hard to explain to them that i have to pray but I do still pray without them realising it.




We(me, Hendra,Fariz,Zack,Fairuz,Raja) went to famous Blue Mountain of New South Wales on the first day. The water there was damn bloody cold when we were performing ablution. There was no hot water. Perhaps that was the coldest I have ever experience. I can't actually feel my hands and nose. What attracted me about this was how the NSW government turned the place into a tourist attraction. It was realy nothing. Just mountains and was a bit blue due to the ocean reflection. But how they exploit their resources amazes me. We do not need high technology just a bit of creativity. With a bit of pathways, sign boards, tables and chairs, it was a famous place.



The next day we went to Coffs Habour around 8 hours north of Sydney. We departed at 2am in order to reach there by mext morning. We wanted to watch whales there but due to the rough sea, it was cancelled. We stayed in YHA a perfect place for backpackers. Early in the morning we leaved for Nelson Bay, Port Stephens for whale watching. We did get a glimpse of whales frolicking in the water and a group of dolphins swimming along with out boat. It was a 3 hours journey by boat for the whale watching. A lot of people got sea sick and ended up inside the boat instead of outside to watch the whales. That was a great and new experience for me.



We leave for Canberra the next day. But this time only me, Hendra and Raja. Canberra was beautiful in landscape and is my favourite city after Hobart. It was serene except for the weather that was a bit colder than and other cities in Australia. A day in Canberra is enough I guess to cover all its attractions. My heart throbs at someone! God knows why.




I departed for Melbourne the next day for the Great Ocean Road trip there. I can't stop laughing with Ibrahim, Aliza and Lyana in the car. It was a real fun to have them there. Great Ocean Road was a magnificent trip with the breath-taking views. We reached the 12 Apostles just when one of the apostles stumbled. It was weird that no one in the whole trip really enjoy my choice of songs. But it was funny though. Perhaps people are right, I am weird. We had dinner at Ibrahim's house that day at around 10pm after the trip.

Now I am back in Perth to get back with my normal life here. Back to my old 1990 Falcon car after Kia Carnival in Sydney and Lancer in Melbourne. Wherever you go, Perth still steals my heart. I feel like home here...

**Wish can see her again...sigh

Letter from Malaysian Abroad

Recently I received an e mail from my old Taiping school friend,Ruben who is now pursuing medicine in Nottingham University asking my opinion on one of the sensitive issues in Malaysia, regarding the Malays' privileges in the country. The leter was addressed to Jeff Ooi(whom people call the most influential blogger) and somehow got circulated in the e mail among the UK non-Malays sponsored student (I suppose!). I present the chain of the e mail here.

------------------------------------
Hi Hisham,

Please reply to this mail....ur opinion.U r one of the
most rational malays I
have met,and thus wanna know ur true opinion.

Ruben

-----------------------------------

Dear Mr Ooi,

I have been meaning to pen some thoughts for some time now, to let people actually read the views of the typical ‘overseas Malaysian’ who is kept away. I realise that my email is rather long, but I do hope that you would consider publishing it (and also keep my name private!).

I shall start by telling a little about my background. Mine is a rather sad tale – of a young Malaysian full of hope and patriotic enthusiasm, which is slowly but surely trickling away.

I am very different from many other non-bumiputeras, as I was given tremendous opportunities throughout my childhood. Born into a middle-class Chinese but English-speaking family, I grew up with all the privileges of imported books, computers, piano/violin lessons and tuition teachers.

My parents insisted that I should be exposed to a multi-racial education in a national school. In my time, my urban national school (a missionary school) was a truly happy place – where the Malays, Chinese and Indian students were roughly equal in proportion. We played and laughed with each other, and studied the history of the world together during Form 4, with one interesting chapter dedicated to Islamic history.

Though 75% of my teachers were Malays, I never really noticed. My Malay teachers were the kindest to me – teaching me well and offering me every possible opportunity to develop. I led the district teams for English and Bahasa Malaysia debating competitions. I was the only non-Malay finalist in the Bahasa Malaysian state-level elocution competition. My Malay teachers encouraged me to transfer to a government residential school (sekolah berasrama penuh) so as to enable me to maximise my academic potential. I refused because I was happy where I was, so they made me head prefect and nominated me as a ‘Tokoh Pelajar Kebangsaan’. Till this day, I am absolutely certain that it was the kindness of all my Malay teachers which made me a true Malaysian.

I excelled at school and was offered a Singaporean government scholarship to study overseas. I turned them down because I wanted to ensure that I would remain a ‘true Malaysian’ in the eyes of Malaysia. So I accepted a Malaysian government scholarship to study at Oxford University. Throughout my three years as an undergraduate, the officers at the MSD looked after me very well, and was always there to offer support.

I graduated with first class honours, and was offered a job with a leading investment bank. The JPA released me from my bond, so as to enable me to develop my potential. I shall always be grateful for that. I worked hard and rose in rank. My employer sent to me to Harvard University for postgraduate study and I climbed further up their meritocratic ladder.

Now I am 31 years old and draw a comfortable monthly salary of US$22,000. Yet, I yearn to return home. I miss my home, my family, my friends, my Malaysian hawker food and the life in Malaysia. I have been asked many times by Singaporean government agencies to join them on very lucrative terms, but I have always refused due to my inherent patriotism.

I really want to return home. I have been told by government-linked corporations and private companies in Malaysia that at best, I would still have to take a 70% pay cut if I return to Malaysia to work. I am prepared and willing to accept that. My country has done a lot for me, so I should not complain about money.

But of late, my idealistic vision of my country has really come crashing down, harder and faster than ever before.

I read about the annual fiasco involving non-bumiputera top scorers who are denied entry to critical courses at local universities and are offered forestry and fisheries instead. (My cousin scored 10A1’s for SPM and yet was denied a scholarship).

I read about UMNO Youth attacking the so-called meritocracy system because there are less than 60% of Malay students in law and pharmacy, whilst conveniently keeping silent about the fact that 90% of overseas scholarship recipients are Malays and that Malays form the vast majority in courses like medicine, accountancy and engineering at local universities.

I read about the Higher Education Minister promising that non-bumiputera Malaysians will never ever step foot into UiTM.

I read about a poor Chinese teacher’s daughter with 11A1’s being denied a scholarship, while I know some Malay friends who scored 7A’s and whose parents are millionaires being given scholarships.

I read about the brilliant Prof. K.S. Jomo, who was denied a promotion to Senior Professor (not even to Head of Department), although he was backed by references from three Nobel Prize winners. Of course, his talent is recognised by a prestigious appointment at the United Nations.

I read about UMNO Youth accusing Chinese schools of being detrimental to racial integration, while demanding that Mara Junior Science Colleges and other residential schools be kept only for Malays.

I read about the Malay newspaper editors attacking the private sector for not appointing enough Malays to senior management level, whilst insisting that the government always ensure that Malays dominate anything government-related.

I read that at our local universities, not a single Vice-Chancellor or Deputy Vice-Chancellor is non-Malay.

I read that in the government, not a single Secretary-General of any ministry is non-Malay. The same goes for all government agencies like the police, armed forces, etc.

I read about UMNO screaming for the Malay Agenda, but accusing everyone else of racism for whispering about equality.

I read about a poor Indian lady having to pay full price for a low-cost house after being dispossessed from a plantation, whilst Malay millionaires demand their 10% bumiputera discount when buying RM2 million bungalows in a gated community.

I read about my beloved national schools becoming more and more Islamic by the day, enforced by overzealous principals.

I read about my Form 4 World History (Sejarah Dunia) syllabus, which now contains only one chapter of world history, with Islamic history covering the rest of the book.

As I read all this, I tremble with fear. I love my country and long to return. I am willing to take a 70% pay cut. I am willing to face a demotion. I honestly want to contribute my expertise in complex financial services and capital markets. But really, is there a future for me, for my children and for their children? I am truly frightened.

I can deal with the lack of democracy, the lack of press freedom, the ISA, our inefficient and bureaucratic civil service, our awful manners and even a little corruption. But I cannot deal with racism in my homeland.

I think this is the single biggest factor which is keeping people like myself away. And bear in mind – there are so many of us (researchers, scientists, bankers, economists, lawyers, academics, etc.). What people read about in Malaysia (like Dr Terence Gomez) is but the tiniest tip of the iceberg. You will be amazed to know about Malaysians denied JPA scholarships (which would have made them civil servants), took loans to attend Ivy League universities, but who are later asked to advise our government (on IT, economics, etc.) at fees running to millions of US dollars. Such information will never be published because it is politically incorrect.

As a Christian, I pray for God’s blessing on this great country of ours. I pray that He blesses our leaders with the foresight and humanity to see that this will not work and cannot continue. I pray that they will have the strength to make our country a home for all Malaysians and that they will have mercy for the poor, including the non-Malays. I pray for true racial harmony and acceptance (not just tolerance) in Malaysia.

Yours sincerely,
A very frightened Malaysian abroad


--------------------------------------------------

And here's what I replied:


Hello,
Well this is my opinion as a Malay who was born in
a typical, conservative and modest Malay family. I
could not agree more with the author of the letter. He
has every right to voice his opinion and I really
salute him for being a true spirit of Malaysian, even
though he is a Chinese.

I am quite thankful to go to school where the
majority of the students are non-Malays. And now
studying here in Australia where most of my
scholarships friends are Malays, I have a fair view
about the situation he is talking about.

OK, ever since independent Malays have been a
pampered lot. The reason is to help Malays so that
they can be at par with other races. they get all this
sorts of privileges and advantages that in the end it
all goes down to drain just like that. Scholarships,
10% discount on properties purchase, MARA,
Matriculations and the list just goes on. Well, I did
agree at first with this. But hang on, 2005-1957 is 48
years and that is like 2 generations of human being.
err... what happen now? Are they at the same level
with other races? In a way yes, but every way is no. I
do not think so. Malays take all these advantages as
their rights and not as a stepping stone for them to
move forward. The question is how long more do they
need the government to supportand feed their mouth? If
you ask me that, I'd say that they need not even a
single second more for all the privileges that they
have. 48 years is more than enough for them to realise
that they need to change. Can someone pls tell me
which race in Malaysia that top the chart in drug
addiction? Can someone pls tell me which race in
Malaysia that is in the 'dean's list' for raping,
gangsterism and illegal racing? If that's what the
pirvileges do to them, perhaps we should give them
MORE privilges so the Malays who do that will just
extinct in this world leaving only the 'elightened'
one.

While the Malays are 'bestowed' with all the
privileges, other races are working hard to change
their fate THEMSELVES realising that the government
places a greater emphasis only on Malays. I have seen
this and I speak from experiences. While the
non-Malays are working hard, the Malays are lazing
around because they know that government will back
them up. Well, which one do you think will excel more?
The one that has no advantages but work hard or the
one that has all the advantages but do nothing? I did
not say that they are all like that. Some do take full
use of the advantages and they really excel. As a
Malay (whom ppl say look like a bit of a Chinese :P)I
guess that they need to learn the hard way like other
races do. Give them what they deserve or distributed
the resources equally.

Am I one of them? I guess I compete fairly in my
study. I refuse to go to boarding school when I get
the offer and I am thankful for that. Boarding school
only narrow your scope of thinking because you are
just interacting with the Malays. I wholeheartedly
agree with the recent meritocracy effort by the gov.
Learn the hard way man!

Feel free to share them with your fren(however be
careful) and am willing to opine more.

Hisham.

------------------------------------------------

And he replied back:

Hey,

thanks for the reply.I do know myself that u r one malay who deserves
whatever u haf been given.In case u do not know anything about the
recent
happenings in msia,the system has got worse.This year...the JPA
scholarship,1200 were issued,out of which 7 were given to Indians.That
is
0.5% hisham.And out of the 7,none were given medicine.This is just
ridiculous.And u know what,even I am now thinking about staying back in
UK.I
dont want my children to go thru the same dissapointment.If i come
back,i
have to be kicked around by the same system.I am seriously
dissapointed.And
u know what,if this is gonna proceed,msia is gonna sink
soon!Sooner...msia
will be inhabited my malays alone.

Neways,on lighter note,i am back in msia,for almost three months.til
the
24th of sept.R u coming back?Do send me emails and msn mseges if u r
free.Take cae and all the best.

Jolly,
Ruben


**Hate flying long distance though.

A Muslim Refusenik

I was reading the Malaysian news paper as part of my daily routine and was tuck on the article on Islam. It discussed the people who have a different point of view on Islam and try to interprets the religion in their own way. One of them was Irshad Manji the best-selling author of 'The Trouble with Islam' that has been translated into many languages. She is a feminist, fighter for human rights, a lesbian and a Muslim-Refusenik. That does not mean she refuse to be a Muslim, but it simply means she refuses to join an army of automatons in the name of Allah. This triggered me to buy her book.



So I bought the book and now in the second chapter of the book. I respect her opinion though. Judging from her background, I do not put the entire blame on her. She was brought up in a rather shaky family of refugees in the early 1970's. I'd blame the community. This is the real trouble with Islam. We are facing with a lot of difficulties even to propagate the teaching among our people. People like Irshad and many more out there is just the results of the society being ignorant to their obligations towards fellow Muslims. She was groomed in a scenario where no one is ready to answer her curiosity, where no one around her was able to guide her in the true way of Islam. She is a well-known celebrity now in Canada. She has a TV Program that broadcasts the life of Muslim gays and lesbians that fled to western world due to the forbidden act in their countries. She is trying to rope in people towards her belief and I am not surprise if she has more than a million Muslim fans out there that has been influenced by her. The causes are small but the implications are enormous. Beginning from the very person that fail to convince her about the true Islam, she is now converting more into her beliefs.



I am just trying to view this in a positive way other than to put the blame on her alone. Of course she is wrong in her coures to find the truth, no doubt about that. But the question here is should we just focus the blame on her alone of should we change our community's mind frame that has conceived this kind of people? I'd say we take the latter. Root out the source rather than the implications.



Irshad Manji, Salman Rushdie, Ibn Warraq and many more are the 'victims' of the community's or more accurately the Muslim's ignorant towards their own responsibilities in propagatting the faith. I blame myself for that as well. I just hope that one day that Allah will give her hidayah and lead her back to the right teachings of Islam.

**Flying to Sydney tonight at 12.10am for interview and spending a week there(Sydney and Melbourne) for a quick holiday.

I Wanna Fly Up High and Cry

Perhaps this is the most unjoyful moments I have ever experienced after I finish my exams. Perhaps this is the only time that I wish that exam is still not over so that I can devote more time to study. It is too late to regret now. I hope that I will just make up the mark for pass.

Is sadness the absence of happiness?

I was in Perth mosque yesterday and now I begin to feel the rapport that I have tied with the people there. Everyone acts as though they have known each other for a long time. The feeling of close-knit Muslim community really exudes its existence there. I meet new people everyweek and in the spirit of Islam and Muslim brotherhood we quickly become friends. I notice that every human being has the same craving to satisfy his own desire. It is just how we view it. They were discussing about girls and sex as well in Perth mosque just like I do wit my other uni frens. However, the way we discuss it of course different. There we talk base on the Quran and Hadith. In other words we seek Halal entertainment if you like. We still do jokes and laugh outloud. Just that the environment is different.



With this I have the chance to mix with both party; the one that adheres to what they believe and they who only believe in what they want to do. My friends said that life is short therefore enjoy it as you like. How far this is true? By being in both groups, I learn to 'communicate' in their languages and think they way they think. I still know my border even though sometimes I did something stupid due to peer influence. I did adapt well but did I adap right?

Whatever it is I still wanna fly up high and cry...

Let History be History?

I was very much captivated with the quote by Ali Abi Talib on how we can learn from history. He described it in a beautiful way that history helps us to plan our future by learning what make the people before us happy and what make them sad. It is indeed a new world in the history of the people before us. Their struggle, their triumphs, their downfall and their making of civilised world serve as a great reference for us and the future generation. We might boast with the 'physical' technology that we have, the over-civilised nation that we developed until we have to sacrifice some of the norms and values and the complex society that we live in in our community today. Past people can boast for their struggle and the foundation that they lay on the civilised world's today. Have we tarnished or even demolished all their efforts in the name of justice and societal development?

Perhaps the closest and the most appropriate example here is the condition in Iraq today and also the Muslim community. Iraq is the cradle of civilisation and is the turning point of a new era in human history ever since the glory of Tigris and Euphrates. It has hatched a lot of scholars and literature that has been used up until today to shape our society. What happen now? In the name of 'justice', the thousands of years of struggle has been snapped off in a blink of an eye. In the name of 'justice' we lost our root of civilisation. We have erased the remaining traces of history.



The story of the companions of the prophets demonstrated how they strive to propagate Islam and build a solid Muslim community. Their efforts know no boundary and was endless because of their love of Islam. Once, Islam has conquered three quarter of the world through their struggle. However now the light that has once shone the world begins to dim and portray a darker image of the religion. Muslims fighting among themselves while they have a bigger enemy to fight with. We have somehow not only neglected their effort but also has render it futile. We erased the results of their long arduous journey in a second. How cruel we are to think that we have the right to do what we are doing now without thinking about the sacrifices made by the people before us. How arrogant we are to even think that we the modern society initiate the development of our community today. May the history that we study lead us and guide us to step foward in the right path base on what has happened in the past.

'Meski rentang hidupku tak sepanjang masa hidup generasi sebelumku, tapi aku
berusaha keras untuk selalu mengakji kehidupan mereka. Aku mengikuti perjalanan
mereka, merenungkan segala usaha dan perjuangan meraka, mengkaji peninggalan
dah reruntuhan hasil karya mereka. Kurenungkan kehidupan mereka, seolah-olah
aku hidup dan bekerja dengan mereka sejak zaman dini sejarah higga zamanku
sekarang. Akhirnya, aku tahu apa yang membuatkan mereka bahagia dan apa yang
membuatkan mereka sengsara.'

-Ali bin Abi Talib

Sometimes

We are indeed weak and fragile creature. We forget. We stumbled upon our mistakes. We forgive. We let others lead our way instead of ourself. Funny how we promise something just to please someone but has no intention in our heart. Funny how we do things just for the sake of completion but not with the real heart. And funny how we often forget to cherish the life that we have as we always wonder to achieve something better. We are indeed weak, fragile and perhaps funny and forgetful being.

I do not understand why sometimes people tend to only see what they want to see. He is acting as though the world is a place of all that is beautiful. We forget to see something from other people's view point. Only then can we appreciate how should we be grateful towards waht we have. It is a wisdom to see something from different angle and learn to cherish the life that we have.



Sometimes we ponder upon the wish that does not come true. We grumble. We pull a sour face. Did we ever be grateful for all the things that we have blessed with? Did we ever realise and be thankful for the joyful moments that we have in our life? Funny when only one down turn can outweigh all the joys that we have before. I blame myself for that. I guess it is in the nature of human being that we tend to forget and I say this over and over gain to remind myself. Learn to savour every single moments that we have may it be the ups or downs of life because at the end of the journey, you will find all these funny and bitter moments in life will make up a beautiful picture on which you can laugh upon. Go through life with determination and treat all down moments with a prayer and patience.

Sometimes I walk without seeing
Sometimes I see without knowing,
Sometimes I live without learning
And sometimes I learn without showing.

And sometimes I pay no attention
To what lies on the road ahead,
And sometimes I just rush in
Where the angels fear to tread.

Sometimes I listen real well
To words that my soul speaks,
And sometimes I dont hear reason
When my heart is feeling weak.

Sometimes when it rains
I see the sound that it makes,
And sometimes it floods my heart
Because of my mistakes.

And sometimes when it snows
I hear it's gentle sound,
As it falls like silent thunder
Everywhere upon the ground.



And sometimes when I see you
I think I'm really seeing me,
Because sometimes life's not really
All it would seem to be.

Sometimes instead it's all gone
Sort of topsy turvey,
And sometimes right or wrong
Is not as clear as day.

Sometimes it all gets muddled
From black and white to gray,
And sometimes that path to righteousness
Just doesn't lead the way.

Then sometimes before I know it
I find me standing in the light,
Because sometimes when I get lost
You're there to set me right.

And sometimes when I think
That all in my life is gone
I look and see you standing
Waiting there within the dawn.

And sometimes when I'm feeling
That I'm running out of time,
Your love helps me see
That I can run to you sometimes........

And sometimes you will save me
And keep me safe from harm,
But sometimes you'll just guide me
And lead me by the arm.

To show me that just sometimes
I need to make my way,
And that sometimes all you can do
Is watch me falter as you pray.

For sometimes lessons learned
Come about in the hardest ways,
So that sometimes in myself
I can learn to be amazed.

But sometimes you will hold me
And at others set me free,
So that sometimes I can find my way
Back to loving me

Hey you time!

I have been slacking in writing in my blog lately. Not that I want people to read, but more of a self-satisfaction. I have been very busy with uni stuff and hardly have anytime to think about other stuff. Was in Sydney for last week for Interview briefing and planning to spend a week or so in Sydney, Canberra and perhaps Melbourne end of this month. I can't believe that I am graduating en of this year and time really flies. Feels like I just arrive in Perth yesterday. I guess it's true that people say that life is short. Enjoy it? Ponder.



I was celebrating my 22nd birthday two weeks ago with 7 or 8 of my uni frens. Funny that I get a lot presents that I can't realy use; g-string underwear, FHM magazine, a box of condom and a JAG t-shirt. Anyway I do appreciate their gifts. Birthday comes and go and without realizing the time you are celebrating your birthday with your grandchildren already. We wanted to celebrate it at Matsuri but Li was making a sour face of not wanting to eat Japanese food. We went to Konkas instead for pizzas and chillie mussles. It was quite good there I guess.

I sincerely hope that I have more time to write in this blog. This is where that I have been most frank to myself.

God says no again...

Been a while since I last wrote in my blog. Need time for myself and need to catch up with few other things. This time, God says no again. I still think that He has a better plan for me and time will decide everything. May He gives me courage.



Today I saw another man reveted to Islam in Thornlie Mosque. Makes me wonder a while what a beautiful thing Islam has taught me througout my life. Am I grateful for that? I guess I have to be more grateful next time. Sheikh Muhamad Sulaiman Mullah was talking about the issue of Tsunami in a symbolical manner. He touched how Allah has reminded us and send some warning to wake us up. I like when he mention that as for now, we do not even have time to enjoy a lawful entertainment save the unlawful ones.

I do not wish to write long here. Perhaps not in a good mood to do so.